My Spouse Struggles With Addiction. What Can I Do?

I am seeing an increase in divorces where one or both spouses struggle with addiction. If your spouse struggles with addiction, it adds an extra layer of complication to your divorce proceedings. Many partners of addicts have spent a lot of time caretaking their spouse, and it can be hard to break that cycle. In this article, we’ll talk about some things you can do to help make your divorce go more smoothly.

Understanding Addiction

First, it’s important that you recognize that addiction is a disease and is not something that you can fix. Only your partner can choose to make the changes necessary to overcome his or her addiction. Addiction can often stem from mental health issues. In that case, a dual diagnosis evaluation may be helpful to make treatment recommendations for both mental health and substance abuse.

Taking Care of Yourself

Emotional and mental support are extremely important, even if your divorce doesn’t involve addiction issues. However, they are even more important when your partner struggles with addiction. I recommend that all my clients meet with a therapist, but even more so when there are addiction issues. You will need to determine what your boundaries are, and make sure that you enforce those boundaries. For example, do you want to have direct contact with your ex, or do you prefer communication to go through attorneys or a service such as Talking Parents? Are there certain topics that should only be addressed through your attorney (i.e., property division)? While you are ultimately in charge of your boundaries, your attorney can help you determine what might be most helpful, given the unique facts of your situation.

Though I know it’s hard, you want to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. This can include exercising (even a 10-minute brisk walk can help clear your mind!), taking time to rest, getting enough sleep, prioritizing eating well and drinking enough water, and asking for help.

Emotional Supports

There are a variety of programs available to provide support to partners of addicts. Below is a list of some national organizations that may provide emotional support to you:

- Al-Anon: For friends and family members of alcoholics.

- Alateen: This program is primarily for teens who have had an alcoholic in their lives.

- NAMI: An advocacy group for families of those with mental illness.

- Families Anonymous: A 12-step program for friends and families of addicts.

If you have children, there are a variety of monitoring services available to ensure the safety of your kids during parenting time. I’m here to answer any questions you might have about how addiction affects divorce and parenting time.