How Do We Tell Our Kids We’re Getting Divorced?
You and your partner have made the decision to get divorced. Now it’s time to tell the kids. While no parent looks forward to this conversation, here are a few tips to help you navigate this discussion.
First, you should know that research is showing that the biggest predictor of how well children will do after a divorce is the level of conflict between the parents. While you can’t control your ex, you can commit to reducing the conflict as early and often as possible. The way you tell your kids about the divorce is the first opportunity to practice.
Plan what to say ahead of time
Will you and your partner tell the kids together or separately? When deciding, you’ll want to weigh how well you and your ex are getting along, and which scenario will create the least trauma for the kids.
Reassure your children that they are not to blame. It’s common for kids to think that they did something wrong, which caused the divorce. Make sure to tell them that this is a decision you and your partner have made, and that it has nothing to do with them. If you have a young child, the book “It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear,” may be a helpful resource.
Be prepared for your child’s possible reaction
Kids may experience a variety of emotions when learning about the divorce, ranging from anger to sadness, confusion, or disbelief. Let your children express their emotions, and don’t shame them for their reactions.
It may be helpful for your child to read some books about divorce, to help her understand she’s not alone. Here are some recommendations of resources for various age groups:
Give your kid time to adjust to the news and the new living situation
There are lots of changes in store for your family, including your child, over the next few months. The best thing you can do is be gentle with both yourself and your children as you make these transitions. Let your children know that you will answer any questions they have, and give them hope that all of you will heal.
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